Monday, August 31, 2015

Baby Captain Diaperman Sails the Sea

Baby Captain Diaperman was the brave leader of the ship that sailed the sea. He started sailing the sea one day and the sea was his to take.

"I'll just sail a little of the sea." said Baby Captain Diaperman.
"I'm not so hard." said the sea.
"Good job sailing." said the crew.
"Gee this wasn't so hard." said Baby Captain Diaperman.

Captain Diaperman thought he'd sail a little bit more.

"It's kind of fun." said the crew.
"I'm getting good at this." said Captain Diaperman.

So he sailed more and more. For a while. Then the sea got deep. The waves got rough. The rain rained hard. Pee-Wee Tinkletips drowned. He was the eager swabber, who you'll never get to know about.

"I miss Pee-Wee." said Stoogey Dooter, the fourth mate.
"It's your fault he's gone Captain." said Juggso, the ship drunk.
"I'm doing the best I can!" said Baby Captain Diaperman.

Then he shoved Juggso overboard and Juggso got kissed by a mythical sex water creature then eaten by a mythical whale. What a whale to go. But he's another fella you won't get to know better.

All Baby Diaperman had to do was get to the end of the sea. His crew was turning on him. One by one he stabbed the crew, or pushed them overboard or they kissed his butt to save themselves, he also defended himself from mutiny. He was actually a pretty good captain, but he thought he sucked because some days the sea was hard and no one on his crew seemed to be interested in the work he'd put in to become captain.

"I heard his dad and mom were captains so that's why." said Noodles, who liked to gossip. It wasn't true, though, just to let you know.

One day Baby Captain Diaperman woke up and his whole crew was gone. Were they eaten? Did they take a getaway boat? Had he killed them all? Were they ever there to begin with? They were, don't worry. But that was certainly a thought that went through Diaperman's head. You think of crazy things while at sea and the loneliness was getting to him.

"I should give up." said he said.
"No you're so close to the end of the sea." said the sea.
"But so what?" whined Baby Captain Diaperman.
"No wonder they call you Baby." said the sea.

That's right, the future dictated his nickname.

"Anyway I'm gonna quit." he said.
"Don't you wanna find out what's at the end?"
"It's just a little bit more."
"Ahhh okay..." moped the big Baby Captain.

Baby Captain Diaperman got his hopes up about what was at the end. And at the end was a reflection of himself. And at the end of that were expectations. And at the end them was a new beginning. And at the end of that was a journey. And at the end of that was an anticlimax.

1 comment:

chris said...

fadem fan art!